Notes from the third session of our Lent Study Group.
Précis of Chapter 3 – “Make Friends with People Who Want the Best for You”
Jordan Peterson begins Chapter 3 by discussing how social relationships shape individual development. He argues that the people one associates with can either elevate or degrade one’s character, success, and moral well-being. He warns against maintaining friendships out of misplaced loyalty or pity, especially when those relationships reinforce self-destructive behaviors.
Peterson illustrates this principle through personal anecdotes from his childhood and clinical psychology practice. He recounts stories of friends who remained trapped in cycles of failure and despair, unable—or unwilling—to take responsibility for their lives. He notes that genuine friendship is not about unconditional acceptance but about mutual growth and encouragement toward the good.
A key takeaway is that associating with people who actively pursue virtue, discipline, and responsibility will uplift one’s own moral and psychological state. Conversely, enabling others’ dysfunction by tolerating toxic relationships drags everyone down. Therefore, Peterson argues, one must deliberately choose friends who want the best for them—not just in sentiment, but in action.
Key Themes:
- Friendship is formative – The people one surrounds oneself with influence habits, morality, and success.
- Loyalty vs. moral responsibility – Staying in bad relationships out of guilt can reinforce dysfunction.
- The necessity of standards – True friendship involves challenging each other toward growth and virtue.
- Personal responsibility – One must take responsibility for relationships and curate an environment conducive to flourishing.
Resonance of Chapter 3 with the Penny Catechism
Jordan Peterson’s third rule, “Make Friends with People Who Want the Best for You,” aligns with several principles in the Penny Catechism, particularly regarding the influence of companionship on moral life, the importance of virtue, and the necessity of avoiding occasions of sin.
1. The Duty to Choose Good Companions
The Penny Catechism teaches that one’s moral and spiritual life is shaped by the company one keeps. Peterson’s argument that bad friendships reinforce self-destructive behavior aligns with the Catholic teaching that associating with the wicked leads to sin.
Penny Catechism: “We are bound to avoid the company of those who bring us into sin.”
→ If friendships draw us away from virtue, we have a duty to end them.
2. The Influence of Friends on Virtue and Vice
Peterson stresses that friendships should be based on mutual improvement and accountability, rather than blind loyalty. This principle reflects the Penny Catechism’s teaching that friendship must be ordered toward virtue, not indulgence in vice.
Penny Catechism: “We are bound to love our neighbor as ourselves, for the love of God.”
→ True friendship is not about comfort, but about helping one another grow in virtue.
3. Avoiding the Near Occasions of Sin
Peterson warns against friendships with those who perpetuate cycles of failure, addiction, and irresponsibility. This aligns with the Catholic doctrine of avoiding near occasions of sin, which teaches that Christians must remove themselves from situations and relationships that endanger their moral life.
Penny Catechism: “To sin wilfully is to offend God by breaking His Commandments.”
→ If a friendship regularly leads to sin or disorder, we must remove ourselves from it.
4. Friendship as a Moral Obligation, Not Just an Emotional Bond
Peterson challenges the idea that friendships should be maintained for sentimental reasons alone. The Penny Catechism echoes this by emphasizing that Christian love requires willing the good of the other, not enabling their faults.
Penny Catechism: “The four Cardinal Virtues are Prudence, Justice, Fortitude, and Temperance.”
→ A good friendship must cultivate virtue, not simply offer emotional comfort.
Conclusion
Peterson’s lesson in Chapter 3 affirms the Penny Catechism’s moral teaching that our relationships directly impact our virtue or vice. The company we keep shapes our moral destiny, and it is our duty to cultivate friendships that encourage virtue, responsibility, and the pursuit of the good.
Resonance of Chapter 3 with the Catechism on Modernism (1907, Pius X)
Jordan Peterson’s third rule, “Make Friends with People Who Want the Best for You,” aligns with Pope St. Pius X’s condemnation of Modernism, particularly in relation to moral relativism, the rejection of objective truth, and the social consequences of modernist thinking.
1. The Dangers of Moral Relativism in Companionship
Peterson warns against surrounding oneself with individuals who reject responsibility and virtue, emphasizing that bad influences lead to self-destruction. The Catechism on Modernism warns that Modernism promotes moral relativism, denying that some behaviors are objectively harmful.
Catechism on Modernism: “Modernists pervert the eternal concept of truth, reducing it to a subjective experience.”
→ Without a firm standard of right and wrong, people justify remaining in destructive relationships.
2. The Modernist Rejection of the Need for Correction
Peterson insists that true friendship involves helping each other grow, even if that requires criticism and correction. Modernism, by contrast, promotes a false tolerance where all perspectives are equally valid, discouraging correction.
Catechism on Modernism: “Modernists reject the notion that truth and morality are fixed and unchanging.”
→ This leads to friendships based on indulgence rather than mutual accountability and moral progress.
3. The Social Consequences of Modernist Thinking
Peterson observes that those who reject responsibility tend to drag others down with them. The Catechism on Modernism warns that Modernist ideology undermines the moral fabric of society by excusing sin and disorder under the guise of “progress.”
Catechism on Modernism: “By undermining the authority of tradition and reason, Modernists introduce chaos into the moral order.”
→ If friendships are based on subjective emotions rather than objective moral truths, society becomes morally weak.
4. Modernism’s Rejection of the Hierarchy of Virtue
Peterson argues that friendships should not be based on blind loyalty or emotional attachment but on a shared commitment to growth and virtue. Modernism, by contrast, rejects hierarchy in favor of false egalitarianism, making it difficult to distinguish between good and bad influences.
Catechism on Modernism: “Modernists deny the existence of divinely established order, rejecting the distinction between virtue and vice.”
→ Without recognizing the hierarchy of moral values, people fail to seek out virtuous companions and instead settle for mediocrity.
Conclusion
Peterson’s argument aligns with Pius X’s critique of Modernism by affirming that:
- Truth and virtue are objective realities that must guide relationships.
- Friendship requires correction and accountability, not blind acceptance.
- Modernist relativism weakens moral character and promotes self-destruction.
- Choosing virtuous companions is necessary for moral and spiritual growth.
In rejecting Modernist subjectivism, Peterson’s principle that one must carefully choose friends who elevate, not degrade, one’s moral standing aligns with the Church’s insistence that truth, virtue, and moral order are non-negotiable.
Lent Study Group
Each week, we read a chapter of Dr. Jordan Peterson’s Twelve Rules for Life and compare and contrast his insights with perennial Catholic doctrine. Participants are encouraged to read the chapter ahead of the meeting, noting their initial thoughts, questions, and reflections. Afterward, they search the Catechisms—including the Penny Catechism, the Catechism against Modernism, and other traditional sources—for relevant teachings that either align with or challenge Peterson’s ideas.
During the meeting, we discuss these comparisons, examining how Catholic moral theology, hierarchy, and objective truth provide a deeper and more complete understanding of the principles Peterson explores. By engaging in critical reflection and theological analysis, participants strengthen their ability to articulate and defend the faith, apply practical wisdom to daily life, and prepare spiritually—especially in the context of the liturgical season.
If you’d like to join in the discussion and participate in our study group, we meet every Wednesday from 5.30pm at Mrs Reed’s home on Hartington Road, email for an invitation.
Amen ⚜️